Dear mamas present and future,
Please stop raising your boys to look at marriage as an escape to chores. This attitude not only belittles the marital arrangement but also creates impossible expectations which lead to disappointment. Teach your sons that your daughters are not maids; that their gender does not render them kings, that marriage is team work and putting your feet up infront of the tv while expecting your wife to be slaving away in the kitchen for you is barbaric and has no place in a modern home.
Teach your sons that there’s nothing wrong with getting their hands dirty once in a while; that their wives are weaker than they are and need twice the care and support they do. Teach them to be considerate, and to say no to chauvinism. Teach them that it is only through teamwork, not tyranny, that a family can progress.
Teach them to treat their women like treasures, and they will enjoy all the treasures this life has to offer. The good book said that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing. We do not use our good clothes as rags, we do not use our good perfumes as air freshener, we do not use our good cars as wheelbarrows. Why then do we use our good wives as maids?
A wise man once said that when speaking to your mate, especially when angry, speak to them as you would to your boss or your very good friend. Think about it. When you disagree with your boss, or they do something you do not like and make you angry, the first thing you do is consider whether or not it’s worth mentioning. If not, we let it pass. But if we really have to bring it up, we’ll find the most diplomatic way to bring it up. A lot of the time, we’ll spend days pondering over how to address the issue. We might even consult different people on how best to go about it. Yet when it comes to our wives, we are as rude and careless with our words as can be. Do you see how this is a problem?
A man doesn’t become a king when he marries. He doesn’t become handicapped either. He can make his own tea and for goodness sake, he can make his own goddamn sandwich! And it is our role as tomorrow’s wives and mothers to remind our boys of this. Even maids get days off. So if your wife cooks 5 days out of 7, why can’t you step in the other two? Where is it written that a married couple cannot have sandwiches for dinner? Or that it’s the woman who must do all the cooking all the time? Stop encouraging them when they say things like “I havent eaten all day because my wife didn’t cook”. What kind of rubbish is that? Send them to the fridge! Send them to the cooker. Do not encourage this wife blaming and shaming. Are they lame? Have they forgotten where the fridge is? Let it end with you. And let it end now. Lets save the next generation of married women from this rubbish. You did not spend so much money raising and educating your daughters for them to serve and wait on another humanbeing just because he happened to put a ring on their fingers. Marriage should not be a punishment. Let’s not turn it into one.
Teach your sons how to speak to a woman, how to treat her, how to love and cherish her, and everything else will fall in place.
Married African Female, present and future.